A Thing called Change
There are things in life we are familiar with, expectant of, equipped to deal with, and there are things that are so far-fetched, unrealistic, crazy, fascinating, nauseating and terrifying, we shove it over the dusty, unreachable top of the shelf because the carpet is already lumpier than decade-old mattresses. There is a reason we are anxious about the future. It is brimming with possibilities, known and unknown, especially the unknown. We, humans, hold a strong, unbending aversion to change which usually possesses a negative connotation because it may be completely drastic or just not up to our taste. The reason we can label every environmental, mental, or physical modification with explicit adjectives is we tend to define how things are supposed to play out. Every time we find a fork in the road inconsistent with our beliefs, our expectations, viola, you’ve encountered change and the deeper, firmer the expectation, the more poignant it will seem.
There is an inertia in the ways we dream or imagine our lives: an absolute almost defensive omission of pain, discomfort, failure, boredom even. It happens almost involuntarily, compulsively, which on the contrary, leaves us heartbroken, recoiling, and resentful for a big chunk of our lives. Life is hard, painful, unfair, full of suffering, a friend had babbled over the phone, hiccuping and moaning under a plush duvet. Or was it love she had said, I don’t recall but I’m sure I’ve heard that often too. It’s a choice, she had said the next week in an optimistic tone. What is, I asked staring out the window at the scorched, deserted pavement. Suffering, pain, it’s all in our head, she replied with an irritated sigh. Maybe, I said. It might seem after a while that life is a series of choices, feelings and all, when the dust has settled and we are in a position to think back. Our decisions and reactions probably seem absurd and childish when we think back. In theory, we must be able to cope with changes, according to the history of our species at least. As the news of pandemic, injustice, economic damages ricochet in our living rooms, more and more of us are growing ever more resistant and rigid, confused, and depressed. New information, developments are thrust into our faces which mostly go out of context and appear more horrendous than they are.
When trying to chew an enormous bite of information, especially new and scary, remember 1) the situation and 2) the context. Remind yourselves of the references of mandala and impermanence Yoga Jones makes throughout the seasons:
“Try to look at your experience here as a mandala, Chapman. Work hard to make something as meaningful and beautiful as you can. And when you’re done, pack it in and know it was all temporary.”
When you feel an urge to generalize, normalize the curve, remember that rebating conflicting views and opinions will only contribute to prejudices and biases. Accept that there is more than what meets the eye. Talk and verify.
Most often change involves a loss and we are always left unprepared and paralyzed with sorrow. It is human nature. Seek what you sought: company, time, acceptance.
Rethink your expectations of the future. Imagine both sides of the coin. Be honest and open to possibilities. Nurture the habit of adjustment and acceptance. Allow yourself time to process the change and always take each topsy-turvy, feelgood choice of life as a lesson. Lessons prepare us for the next courses of fine, sloppy, sweet-sour dishes coming our way and remind us that we don’t know a damn thing!
